TIME

The funny thing about time is how much it dictates your life – you’re running late or you’re on time or you’re early or prehaps you’ve got time to kill or looking for something to pass the time or desperately seeking the illusive ‘me time’. But does anyone just stop and appreciate time? How often do you just make the most of the time you’ve got? Pause and just be in the moment. People can’t just ‘be’ anymore. There’s always something to be caught on film or camera. The first time my son attempted his version of crawling I watched it through my smart phone as I was trying to capture the moment to share it with everyone else – why?

Time is precious. Moments of time are taken for granted and if you add up all the moments in time you’ve missed or over looked or failed to focus on, you’ve probably missed out on hours if not days, weeks or months of your very own life. There are events in life which change your mindset and make you think differently about time. They make you realise what you’ve got or what you had – why didn’t you appreciate it before? Because you took it for granted.

The last two weeks of my life have been an absolute whirlwind. You think things are coming together, you think maybe (for a change) things are how you want them to be but then life throws everything up in the air and suddenly time stands still. Everyday waiting on a phonecall or a test result or a moment when you don’t feel like your heart is free falling through your entire body. The last two weeks have dragged and I’ve wished my time away.

The funny thing about time is, time can’t win, it goes too fast, drags or there isn’t enough of it. Make the most of your time, take a moment to look around you, appreciate who you have in your life, what you’ve got and embrace everything you’ve ever taken for granted because one day something might threaten what you’ve got and the time you have and that’s when you realise that actually, times the most precious thing of all.

Setting the goals

So I think I’ve found my favourite new flowers, at a time I’m also trying to find a new direction.

I think one of the hardest lessons I’ve learnt over the past few months is that you can’t do it all. I’ve never relied on what I do on Instagram to pay my bills (my real job does that) but I have relied on Instagram as an outlet, a way of connecting with people who have similar interests and ultimately what I get up to on here is my hobby.

Do I want to share everything about my life? Not really. Snippets of my life is fine but having run down my shop and changed my insta handle to match my blog, I’m kinda feeling what now? What next? Do I even need a direction?

I follow so many different accounts on Instagram and speak to so many people that more often than not, I’m hearing people say they feel restricted by the persona they’ve created on social media, feeling like they can’t stray from the online identity they’ve created for themselves. So what do you do? Join the masses? Post aimless daily instastories? Take a ton of photos hoping to get the perfect shot for your page? Is that what social medias really all about?

I spoke to someone recently who said before you can set your goals you need an aim. So what are my aims? What’s the purpose behind the page?

I’m constantly working on so many new projects, maybe it’s time to streamline, refocus & make social media more about the social again. But for now I need to make it a hobby again, focus on the purpose and reset the goals…watch this space.

Here we go again

I’ve toyed long and hard with the idea of writing about this and after a week of feeling a bit all over the place and talking it through with Mark, I decided it’s the right thing to do, so here goes…

I’ve been quiet on here for a while and that’s not because I’ve run out of things to write – trust me there are pages of blog titles in my journal just waiting to come to life! But my focus has maybe changed slightly.

Quite clearly 2017 was not our year. I spent the majority of it wishing away every single day, week and month 2017 had to offer and when December 31st 2017 finally arrived, something changed. I quite literally felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and the mental fog which had been scrambling my brain for the last 9 months disappeared. Despite the fact I’d spent a chunk of last year telling Mark I never wanted to get pregnant again, I was moving to Australia (no idea why Australia was so appealing) and doing my very best to convince myself and everyone around me that I was fine and life was coming together again, the truth was, it wasn’t. However, New Years Eve made me realise that almost everything I’d ever wanted I already had. I didn’t need Australia, I didn’t want to never be pregnant again and even though things weren’t fine and life wasn’t coming together – there was one thing we could take control of and that was the huge gaping hole in our lives.

Mark and I have made a good life for ourselves, we’ve visited some amazing places, eaten in some of the best restaurants, bought our first home together, attempted to start a family and ultimately we’ve made memories to last a lifetime together. We’ve been there for each other, we’ve supported each other through things no one else on this planet knows about or could even begin to understand and yet there I was still mentally trying to run away from it all. Mark and I both realised that the end of 2017 meant the end of a chapter and the need to start a new one. December 31st we decided we needed to do something to fill the void 2017 had created in our life. I took the last pill in my pill packet, focused on eating right, cut down on alcohol, threw myself into the gym and Mark and I went about trying to start a family all over again…And guess what? Saturday 3rd March 2018 2 people sat together staring at a pregnancy test with a positive reading.

When I was pregnant with the twins, I put nothing on social media, banned everyone else from doing so and I certainly would have never dreamed of blogging about it for all for the world to read. However, this time is different, I know that Home of The Little Something gave me a lifeline last year that nothing else could. Deep down inside, I know that if the unthinkable were to happen again, this little blog will get me through.

So as the title says ‘here we go again’ we’re currently 15w5d pregnant, had 3 scans, a ton of tests, there’s only one baby in there and so far everything is as it should be. I don’t know what 2018 is going to throw at us but so far it’s given us almost 16 weeks of morning sickness, exhaustion, nerves but most importantly it’s given us hope. We’re taking it one day at a time. Are we at the ‘we’re having a baby!’ stage yet? No absolutely not – those words are yet to leave our mouths. But we are pregnant and all being well November 2018 could be the month that gives us our little one, starts the family we’ve longed for and gives the twins a baby brother or a sister.

As always thanks for reading.

Lots of love and positivity,

A xx