So who am I? What’s the story? And why the blog?

At 31 years old my life changed in a way I never could have imagined – I was going to be a Mum to identical twins! After a laparoscopy to treat my Endometriosis and years of managing Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) I wasn’t even sure becoming a Mum was possible but a few months off the pill and we were pregnant. However, this pregnancy was never meant to be. At 20 weeks pregnant, the twins were gone, the pregnancy over and life would never be the same again.

We found out at the first scan that the twins were sharing a placenta and by the second scan a condition known as Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) had occurred.  With their health suffering and their survival rates low, we underwent pioneering surgery to try and save them. A number of complications, sleepless nights and heart breaking decisions later they were gone. Time to deliver our ‘sleeping babies’.

In the months that followed, we had the funeral, the postmortems and a ton of time off work trying to piece life back together and establish our ‘new normal’. It’s taken me almost a year to get my head back to what I consider a sane place to be but I finally feel like I might just be there.

I’ve always found a sense of freedom and a peace in writing and after months of contemplating whether I should or even could share my story, I find myself here at the Home of the Little Something. This space isn’t a place to be sad or to mourn the twins and it’s certainly not a place to gain sympathy – trust me I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime! This isn’t a place to share our twins either –they’re safely tucked away in a private place in our hearts. No, this is a place to share the experience life has thrown at me and how I’ve gone about rebuilding just about every aspect of my life.

You might have experienced the same thing, know someone who’s going through or gone through the loss of a much wanted pregnancy or maybe you’re just interested in my random writes (if that case thanks for sticking with it). Either way, this is a story, a journey and an adventure where I can celebrate what I’ve got, reflect on where I am now and share what got me through. Eventually, maybe my writing and experience will raise greater awareness of TTTS, become more than just a blog or maybe it’ll just make its own path – who knows. But for now it’s my project along with The Little Something Company and together they’ve become my little something to help me simply focus on the important stuff in life. 

So, back to the original question – Who am I? Well I’m a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend and a Mum to identical twins who never quite made it to this world. At the end of it all I’m me, a new and maybe slightly improved version of me, but either way I’m still me and here’s the story of how two little somethings changed my life forever.

Thanks for being a part of the journey,

Amanda xx